THIRTY SOMETHING by Ishi Dinim
MY STORY isn’t finished yet. Sometimes, I get so caught up in it that I find it hard to see out of it, to separate myself from watching the ink dry. Today, I crawled up on a ladder and cleaned my windows from the outside for the first time in several years. I had been living with filthy dirt between the world and me and it was obvious that no one else was going to do anything about it.
People are often “in their heads” way too much of the time. I’m one of those people. Regardless of what rattles around my brain about who should do what, just the feeling of having it done is so satisfying that it may be the spark I’ve been looking for. Amazingly, one little proactive step can shift a lot of stagnation into momentum. I’ve been so overwhelmed by all of the stuff I have to do that I wasn’t getting any of it done. Even as it piled up around me, I tried to look past it; it seemed like there was too much to deal with: bills, mess, career, loose ends, relationships…
What makes us shift into new states of mind? Is it a eureka moment like the light switching on or the weight of the world that breaks the camel’s back? Maybe it’s both or just whatever we’re ready for when it happens. Either way, I think I’m done flirting with depression for this year. Another winter has gone by and spring and summer beckon.
A friend recently told me something really insightful: “You know that chocolate bar called Excellence? Well, life is kinda like that. There is no perfect; even that bar is only 85 percent cocoa.”
I’m going to suspend the idea that something is wrong with me and just hope that I’m good enough. I’m ready to flail, stumble and be wrong. The only way I could really fail at this point would be by not trying at all. Who knows where I’ll be and what I’ll be doing in six months? I’ll look back on my funk and thank it for being part of the process towards fulfillment.
Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.
– Carl Gustav Jung
The dust of many crumbled cities settles over us like a forgetful doze, but we are older than those cities. We began as a mineral. We emerged into plant life and into the animal state, and then into being human, and always we have forgotten our former states, except in early spring when we slightly recall being green again. That’s how a young person turns toward a teacher. That’s how a baby leans toward the breast, without knowing the secret of its desire, yet turning instinctively. Humankind is being led along an evolving course, through this migration of intelligences, and though we seem to be sleeping, there is an inner wakefulness that directs the dream and that will eventually startle us back to the truth of who we are.
Must-see films and series:
Son of Rambow
Ishi graduated from Emily Carr Institute of Art and Design in 2001, with a BFA major in photography. He makes films, collects cacti and ponders many things. Currently, he is doing what he can for himself and the email@example.com
Waiting to hear echoes back…