by Gwen Randall-Young
It is with ourselves, first, that we must learn to live happily ever after.
As an evolving species, it is only natural that our relationships also evolve. We seek love, for it is basic to our survival. As plants turn towards the sun, so we look for the warmth of loving connections. Love is a manifestation of Life Force, and each of us has emerged from this sea of loving consciousness into three dimensional experience. Deep within each of us is the memory of that external, constant love. While merged with that oneness, the Soul experienced a profound, harmonious completion. Throughout our lifetimes, we constantly seek this completion.
The powerful maternal connection is designed to ease the transition of the Soul into physical form. The infant cries because discomfort is a new and foreign experience. When it giggles while sleeping, it is because he or she is remembering, or perhaps re-experiencing, the joyful energies felt by spirit prior to taking up residence in its tiny body.
The Soul is Love. The Essence of our being is Love. Somehow, in the confusion of moving between dimensions, an error in consciousness can occur. The error is in striving to be loved, rather than Being Love. If not corrected, a lifetime of pain and struggle ensue.
From early on we look to others to love us, in an attempt to recreate that memory of harmonious completion. We associate this with the unconditional love of the Mother rather than with our own Soul, because that is our earliest conscious memory of love. But the Mother cannot always be with us, and so we experience the pain of separation. We think we are out of love. This is like having millions in the bank, but not knowing it and begging in order to meet our most basic needs. Oblivious to our inner resources, it is easy to become dependent on others.
After the powerful experience of the Mother’s love, the next big external rush comes with romantic love. Realizing that the Mother’s (or parent’s) love is not the eternal force vaguely recalled in the depths of consciousness, hope is revived in the form of the Lover. Ah, that we could be swept off our feet and carried to that blissful place of eternal joy. And in some senses, we are – not because we are loved, but because we open our hearts and allow the loving energy of the Universe to come flowing through. We touch on that place of Being Love.
Unfortunately we err again, attributing that feeling to an external source, the lover. If things don’t work out, or love is withdrawn, we assume that something is wrong. Either I am not lovable, or the other is not capable of love. We move into a place of judgment, either of self or other. Judgment and love are mutually exclusive.
If we are on a path of growth, gradually we awaken to the truth that no one can give what we are seeking. Not our parents, not our children, not our friends or our lovers.
The truth is that the divine and eternal love that we seek exists within us – it is inherent in our Souls. We have taken physical form to experience that Universal Oneness in this physical dimension. Yet it seems so difficult to give ourselves the unconditional loving and acceptance that we readily give our children, our friends, and our partners. It is with ourselves, first, that we must learn to live happily ever after.
The blossoming of a new love is a mirror for the joy that we could experience if we loved ourselves fully. We have paid lip service to this concept for a long time, but relationship struggles are wake-up calls to remind us that we are looking in the wrong place for fulfillment.
Is this to suggest that we can live without loving relationships? Not exactly. We will not live well without a loving relationship with ourselves. And when we have this, we no longer need the love of others.
Once we have truly learned to love and honor ourselves, there is no longer duality within us and we become living expressions of love. We are Love. When two such beings come together, there is a beautiful celebration of Souls. If we all do it, we transcend duality and create Heaven on Earth. If you go deep into the recesses of your consciousness, you may find a vague recollection that this was the plan.
Gwen Randall-Young is an author and psychotherapist in private practice. For articles and information about her books, “Deep Powerful Change” hypnosis CDs and “Creating Effective Relationships” series, visit www.gwen.ca ‘Like’ Gwen on Facebook for daily inspiration.