UNIVERSE WITHIN by Gwen Randall-Young
• When men and women are able to respect and accept their differences, then love has a chance to blossom. – Nikhil Saluja
There is a subtle – and sometimes not so subtle – kind of discrimination we do not hear too much about. It is the way many women talk about men. It is as if women are far superior to men, who “just don’t get it.”
For many women, the prevailing belief is that men don’t know how to communicate, they don’t know about emotional intimacy and they only want sex, and so on. Even more evolved women subtly denigrate men saying things like, “We support them, but we just have to bring them along.”
Many women see their partners as extensions of themselves. His job is to make her life how she envisions it. His job is to make her happy and if he doesn’t, then – “He’s just not meeting my needs.”
If we labelled a racial or cultural group this way, it would be considered politically incorrect. We talk of men’s sexist behaviour, but we don’t often cite the sexism evident in what women say about men.
A culturally evolved person accepts differences in race, culture and gender. He or she respects the differences and does not put others down for not being like them. Inclusion is seen as important as is making others feel valued and accepted in our world.
How is it okay then for groups of women to talk about men as though they belonged to a lower species? I recently saw an article that stated in future men would be unnecessary!
I understand that women were not considered equal for a long time and, in some places, are still treated very unequally. I understand we needed to fight to make our voices heard. However, what is the point of finding that voice if we only reverse the polarity?
There are some very good women and very good men in the world. And, yes, there are unevolved men, but there are also unevolved women. We cannot blame an entire gender for the qualities of some of its members.
Women are very open about what they need and they do not hesitate to tell men all about it. Just because men do not express their own emotional needs does not mean they do not have them. An interesting task is to make a list of what we want from our man and then honestly ask ourselves if we are giving those things to him.
Creating polarity does not bring us together; nor does it foster understanding. It creates conflict and distance. Telling someone all the things they are not is pretty harsh and most women would not stand for that from their man. Yet somehow in our culture, reverse sexism – saying really negative things about men in general – seems OK.
Because men appear tough and do not cry easily does not mean it is okay to hurt them through our words. Men will often respond to hurt by defensiveness or anger. We can easily blame them for that without owning our part in the process.
Perhaps we need humanism as much as feminism. Everyone’s needs and rights should be respected, regardless of gender. We all belong to the same human family and should be helping and supporting each other. As the late Wayne Dyer said, “In a round world, there are no sides.”
Gwen Randall-Young is an author and psychotherapist in private practice. For articles and information about her books, “Deep Powerful Change” hypnosis CDs and “Creating Effective Relationships” series, visit www.gwen.ca