UNIVERSE WITHIN by Gwen Randall-Young

By wisdom and discrimination, man can learn that happiness is not dependent on external circumstances; rather it is to be found in the simpler joys of life.
– Paramahansa Yogananda

Chronic stress seems to be a ubiquitous quality of modern life; so much so, that, for many, it is beginning to be accepted as a normal state. There is the morning rush to get to work on time, deadlines to meet at work, gym time to fit in, traffic to fight, grocery shopping and all the kids’ activities to manage. Once home, there are emails to check and online banking to do, in addition to all the other regular stuff of daily life.
Then, there are the mini-crises: the car breaks down, a filling falls out, a child is sick or there is trouble at school. On a larger scale, there could be a job loss, financial distress, serious illness or even a death.
Against this background of much that seems to be uncontrollable, we strive to be happy, by doing and creating things we think will make us happy. For some, it means the right house, car or club membership. For others, it may be a promotion, big salary, recognition or fame. Others yet may strive to have the perfectly sculpted body, the marathon run or the youthful appearance. But all these happiness goals rely on manipulating external circumstances. Rather than creating joy in the present, many of them will result in some future fulfillment.
So on the one hand, we have the present-day chronic stress, and on the other, happiness that will result down the road when certain goals have been accomplished. Where does that leave us in the meantime? It appears we are in a limbo state, dealing with the daily challenges while believing that when we have mastered them, we will be rewarded. It is like being in a race towards a finish line and someone keeps moving the line.
Happiness, as we well know, does not work that way. Happiness that is connected to outcomes or goals is not true happiness. Like conditional love, it is “conditional happiness.” It depends on something outside of us.
Unconditional happiness is a different matter altogether. It is a choice we make to unconditionally love ourselves and life itself. We see life as a gift. We truly and maturely understand that life, like the oceans and the air itself, will have some turbulence.
We can choose to race through it, head down, intensely focused on our goals and controlling as many aspects of life as possible. We may have to battle frustration and disappointment, and even stress, when the world does not co-operate with our plans.
Conversely, we could choose to go straight to the happiness. This does not necessarily require re-evaluating our lives and making major changes, although that definitely works.
It could be as simple as choosing happiness in each moment. Rather than having stressful thoughts, we could choose to notice what is good and beautiful in each moment. It could be the fact that we have good health or that the sun is shining. It might be a refreshing rain that makes the flowers grow and the grass green. We might look into the innocent face of a child or a pet and see the beauty there.
We could be thankful that we have employment, and are employable, though we may be frustrated with our job. Even a teen’s messy room can be a beautiful thing. Just ask parents who have lost their teenager.
Beyond all of that is the wonder of it all – the stars, the oceans, the sky, the birds and flowers. When we forget all of that, we are like little ants, carrying our burdens across the anthill, oblivious to the larger context in which we labour.
Yes, we will have bad days and times when we grieve. On all the other days, and the days in between, we can decide to be happy. Unconditionally.

Gwen Randall-Young is a psychotherapist in private practice and author of Growing Into Soul: The Next Step in Human Evolution. For information about her book, other articles and CDs, visit (www.gwen.ca).