It takes a village
by Jennifer Engrácio
Perhaps it is possible to heal an addiction on your own. I have not personally met every addict in the world to know if that is true or not. However, I do know that the vast majority of addicts I’ve met needed a good support system around them in order to recover fully.
Many addicts do not have a healthy community to interact within. Addicts across the board tend to have weak skills in some areas, including impulse control, self-command, boundary setting and will, to name a few. During the healing phase of an addiction, addicts need to lean on the will of others so they can maintain their sobriety until they’ve built up enough self-worth on the inside and strengthened their own will.
We’ve assumed that punishing addicts for their behaviour and marginalizing them is the way to deter addictive patterns, but this is actually the stance that encourages addiction to flourish. Humans regulate themselves and learn and grow within the context of healthy and secure relationships. In the absence of loving connections and solid bonding with community and family members, humans begin looking for other ways to feel secure, accepted and safe in any way they can: joining gangs, taking drugs and becoming fanatical in their beliefs. Because intergenerational trauma is passed down through generations, many attitudes about parenting, relating to others and messages about how the world works that many of us carry are not life-giving.
Thankfully, my higher self guided me to a spiritual pathway that is filled with folks who have the experience to work with addicts and wounded people from all walks of life. They did not, of course, do the work for me; I had to do that myself. They always accepted me, even at my worst and ugliest. When I was filled with self-pity, they didn’t go along with it. They called me on it and this sent me to a place of ownership so I could reclaim my power. When I was self-important, they had gentle ways of bringing me down to Earth.
Ideally, the community is a place where we learn good coping strategies, where we are supported to grow, where there are elders and people available who can help us get to the root of what ails us and guide us in letting go of belief systems and habits that no longer serve us.
I am proof that it is possible to seek out these sorts of communities. They do exist. It requires the courage to try something new. It requires being willing to heal. It requires being willing to keep seeking support and never giving up. Perseverance. Patience. Faith. I found my way within a non-denominational spiritual community. Perhaps that is not your way. I pray you can find a way that is a good fit for you. Reach out. It’s worth it. You’re worth it.
A student of shamanism, Jennifer Engrácio is a certified shamanic coach, reiki master, lomilomi practitioner, and a certified teacher who has worked with children since 2001. She runs Spiral Dance Shamanics. Originally from Vancouver, BC, she lives in Calgary with her life partner. Engrácio participated in self-publishing three books: The Magic Circle: Shamanic Ceremonies for the Child and the Child Within, Women’s Power Stories: Honouring the Feminine Principle of Life and Dreaming of Cupcakes: A Food Addict’s Shamanic Journey Into Healing. For more information, visit www.spiraldanceshamanics.com