UNIVERSE WITHIN by Gwen Randall-Young
• The more you know yourself, the less judgmental you become.
– Aniekee Tochukwu
The definition of the word “judgmental” is to be overly critical or too quick to criticize others. I notice how ubiquitous this tendency is in our culture. Judgments are usually stated as facts and one can easily see how erroneous the judgments others make are while being entirely unconscious of their own. “I’m not judging, I’m just stating the truth” is typical of how denial manifests in such situations.
The judgment is one thing, but assigning motives to others personally is a whole other level. To say, “There’s no such thing as climate change” is one thing. However, stating that scientists are making it up is another. Saying you do not like the Prime Minister is one thing. Calling him a spoiled brat is another.
Where does this need to denigrate those who don’t think like us come from? Badmouthing a colleague or gossiping about a neighbour is bullying, plain and simple. Does it go back to the immature ego of the child who thinks that when he says, “I am better than you” makes it true? Is it part of the biological impulse to survive and protect our territory?
Do we not mature beyond playground politics and evolve beyond biological impulses? Sure, there are those who truly know no other way. I worked with a young couple where the wife was troubled by her husband’s rages and swearing over something like dropping a fork on the floor. He felt he should be allowed to vent his frustrations in this toxic way. The effect of his behaviours on others did not even enter his consciousness.
But what about those who know there is something wrong with their behaviour, but they do not change. I tell my clients if they would not want their comments or behaviours viewed on national television that night, they shouldn’t be talking or behaving that way.
Then there is the Donald Trump end of the continuum where he is not embarrassed or remorseful and he says whatever he wants on national television. Most otherwise functional adults who bully in the ways indicated above do not do so publicly because they would not want others to see them that way.
It would be wise for each of us to do an inventory and honestly assess our tendency to judge and criticize others and discern whether we attack others personally. Living from the place of “an eye for an eye” results in two blind people. When people reduce their communication to personal attacks, they are both blind to the damage they cause and to wisdom and integrity. When those go, we are functioning at a more primitive level.
When I was a child, I was taught the golden rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” It is so simple yet so profound. We have advanced so much scientifically and technologically, but in truth, I do not see the advancement of the wisdom in these words in all the years since I first heard them. It seems to me that ever-increasing technology without a concurrent growth in wisdom is a dangerous thing.
Gwen Randall-Young is an author and psychotherapist in private practice. For articles and information about her books, “Deep Powerful Change” hypnosis CDs and “Creating Effective Relationships” series, visit www.gwen.ca and “Like” Gwen on Facebook.