Honouring Athena, embracing Aphrodite

by Marianne Williamson

Portrait of MarianneWilliamson
Marianne Williamson

Many people complain these days that romance hasn’t come their way. Often, however, we see that if romance were to be likened to a visitor, it hasn’t arrived yet because we ourselves are like a town where there’s no place for it to stay. We keep saying we want love, but don’t truly prepare for its arrival. Why would it come to a place where there’s no real welcome past the initial “So glad you’re here!”?

Many contemporary women now embody the Greek goddess Athena while craving a visit from Aphrodite. Yet the gods only come to where they are fully embodied. Embodying Athena, we attract worldly achievement; embodying Aphrodite, we attract love. What’s exciting about being a Western woman today is that we’re allowed to embody as many and whichever goddesses we choose. For those who seek a deeper romance, it serves to embody the goddess Aphrodite for she is the goddess of romantic love. In order to become her, however, we must approach her with reverence and love.

“Aphrodite’s temple” is a real psychic vortex, as is any divine space, with steps to be climbed in order to enter. There are both external and internal steps to climb before entering Aphrodite’s temple, and all of them can be learned.

External steps to the Temple of Aphrodite

Get all exercise equipment and office work out of your bedroom. Aphrodite is a temple, not a workspace. Make your living environment, clothes (even undergarments) and personal behaviour a magnet for romantic vibrations. Your own manifestation must match her frequency in order to attract her. Study books, take seminars, attend support groups, go to therapy – anything to avail yourself of all opportunities to learn greater mastery in romantic relationships. Some barriers to Aphrodite are simply mental, emotional and behavioural patterns that we learned and can now unlearn. All negative energy, when surrendered to God for healing, can be transmuted and transcended through grace.

Internal steps to the Temple of Aphrodite

Take an honest look at how you view relationships. Do you value them less than other areas of life, judging them as somehow trivial? Do you truly give yourself emotional permission to fall in love and stay there? Do you hold covert, or even overt, judgments against men or women as romantic partners? Such judgments must be recognized and consciously surrendered for healing or they remain subconscious forces that sabotage our chances for love.

Take an internal scan of your psychological, spiritual, emotional and physical landscape. Are you emotionally available? Are you physically prepared? Are you ready to be gentle with a man, or at times of fear might you be demeaning or impatient or angry? Are you yet kind and giving enough for love? Are you juicy and erotic and honouring of real sexual desire? Are you ready to welcome a partner, to serve his or her growth that you might participate together in a great romantic journey? Combining the sacred and the erotic is a high adventure; Aphrodite is both goddess and lover. We must approach the gods, and love, with reverence if we’re to receive their blessings.


Inner engineering


Even those who feel that they have failed at love can receive the blessing of Aphrodite’s touch. For she does not just reward those who are willing and ready to love; she also heals those who come to her weakened in the wars of love, now ready to make peace with the parts of themselves that have tried and failed at love, shown up and been rejected, had the chance and blown the opportunity. When we are ready to forgive ourselves and others, ready to humbly ask for guidance in love, ready to rise above the resistance to love, then we are ready for Aphrodite’s blessing. Once we are ready for her, she is ready for us, and once joining with her, we embody her. Then love arrives on angel’s wings, for gods can do what only gods can do. And love surrenders to their slightest command.

Source: www.marianne.com

Where do we go from here?

photo of Gwen Randall-Young

UNIVERSE WITHIN
by Gwen Randall-Young

At one time we had wisdom, but little knowledge. Now, we have a great deal of knowledge, but do we have enough wisdom to deal with that knowledge?
– Jonas Salk

A number of months ago, there was a story in the news about a family who lost their lives in a cottage fire. I felt sad about this tragedy as I do whenever I hear such stories. A couple of days after the family was identified, I received an email from my daughter saying the father was one of her husband’s best friends. The couple had been at their wedding in May and my daughter and her husband had spent time in that very cottage in August. It was a beautiful family; a successful couple both involved with and contributing to their community.

Suddenly, it was no longer just a news story and I tried not to think about their last moments. What a horrific shock to friends, family and their community. Now that I had a context for the news story, the sadness would not go away. It kept replaying in my mind. It was no longer like a photograph; it was now a streaming video. I I felt the weight of the pain and loss that was touching so many. Some wounds never really heal.

I then began thinking of all the scenes I had witnessed around the destruction in Syria. Parents losing children, children losing parents, families losing everything. I always felt compassion, but I wanted to turn away because it was so horrible for them. In war-torn countries, the pain is constant and ongoing; those deaths are not accidents. It is humans intentionally taking the lives of other humans. Like the loss of that Canadian family multiplied hundreds of thousands of times.

Has the world gone mad? Why can’t we do anything to stop it? Is the dark side of humanity getting darker? There is no cosmic parent who is going to step in and admonish the species to stop fighting and just get along.

The answer may lie in quantum theory: the notion that we (and everything else) are part of a gigantic energy field. What happens in one part affects the other parts no matter how far away and disconnected they may be. What is playing out on a global level is just a magnified version of what plays out in relationships and communities.


Inner engineering


The ego motivations are the same: the desire to win, to overpower, to have more and the inability to see things from another’s perspective, to transcend differences and work together to find solutions.

Back in the ‘70s, Jonas Salk wrote a book called The Survival of the Wisest. Wisdom here meant collaboration, cooperation and finding win/win solutions as opposed to aggressiveness and force. In my book, Growing Into Soul, I write that transcending ego and embracing wisdom is the next step in human evolution. Salk spoke in terms of counter-evolutionary and pro-evolutionary thoughts and behaviour.

Sadly, it seems we are seeing more and more counter-evolutionary behaviour in our world. The only solution is to begin, at the individual level, to act and speak wisely and model pro-evolutionary behaviour to our children and those around us. If an electron can alter the spin of another, though very far away, we can alter our “spin” and so influence the whole energy field in which we exist.

Gwen Randall-Young is an author and psychotherapist in private practice. For articles and information about her books, “Deep Powerful Change” hypnosis CDs and “Creating Effective Relationships” series, visit www.gwen.ca ‘Like’ Gwen on Facebook for daily inspiration.

Relationship skills for today’s complex world

by John Gray

Both men and women require a new kind of emotional support that embraces greater authenticity, intimacy and personal expression. Gone are the days when a woman was required to be submissive and dependent on men and a man had to carry the burden of providing for his family alone.

This change has created incredible new opportunities, both for relationships and individuals. People have the opportunity to be themselves in ways they never could before and to embrace characteristics beyond those of their traditional gender roles, allowing for relationships of more profound intimacy than ever before.

But these changes also bring significant new challenges. We must learn to successfully express our masculine and feminine qualities in ways that reduce, rather than increase, our stress. And we must learn how to support our partners’ new needs as they do the same for us.

Just because women today work side by side with men in the workplace and men participate more in raising their children, it does not mean men and women are the same. Our roles are certainly changing but our biology is still very different. And because men and women are different, we react to the changes in our roles in different ways, ways that are often misunderstood and misinterpreted by our partners.

These challenges relate to single people as much as to couples because the changes in our modern relationships are a reflection of the changes that are currently happening within us as individuals. The new insights we receive by going beyond Mars and Venus are necessary not just for romantic relationships but also for our own happiness as well as that of our children.

What we are witnessing is a dramatic shift in the context of our relationships. Trying to have successful relationships today while using the skills and insights developed for traditional relationships over thousands of years is simply not enough and does not work.

For both men and women, providing each other the new support necessary to create a fulfilling relationship is a tall order. Most men have no role models for providing this kind of support. I know I certainly didn’t. Our relationship training came from watching our fathers, who may have been skilled in the old model but not in this new one. By going to work every day to provide for their families, our fathers could fulfill most of our mothers’ relationship expectations.

This journey of transformation into someone who knows their own needs and is able to support their partner’s is not immediate. But you can begin this journey now; you don’t have to wait for your current partner or a future partner to join you. All it takes is for one partner to change and the relationship will change. Eventually, as one person becomes a better partner, the other comes along.

When you are coming from a place of fulfillment, you have more to give. When your heart is fully open, and you have new gender-specific insights regarding your partner’s new needs, not only will you experience a higher level of fulfillment but also, with your help, your partner will be able to respond better to your own new needs. It rarely works to ask for more when you are dissatisfied with what you are getting. But even more important, it never works to ask for more when your partner is not getting what they need.

To improve your relationship, your first step is to find your way back to opening your heart without depending on your partner to change. Your second step is to feel, say, or do what you can to help them. By giving them what they need, they will be way more inclined to give you what you need in return. Your third step is to ask for more in small increments while giving your partner big rewards for giving more. This is your formula for success; expecting more without giving more first is a formula for failure. In addition, expecting too much too soon will also sabotage all your efforts.

By understanding what is most important
to your partner’s fulfillment, you can
more successfully target your energies and love. Both men and women in relationships need to find their own happiness first without depending on their partner changing. Likewise, a single person must find their happiness without depending on finding the perfect partner for them.

To be happy and fulfilled in our relationships, we first need to be happy and fulfilled in our lives. It is unrealistic to depend on our intimate relationships as the sole source of fulfillment. When we create a life rich in friendships, family, exercise, good food, meaningful work or service to the world and have plenty of opportunities for fun, entertainment, education, personal growth, and spiritual devotion, then having a loving relationship can make us even happier. To experience lasting love in relationships today, you must find a baseline of happiness by fulfilling your other needs separate from your needs for an intimate relationship.

It is much easier to drop a bomb than to drop our egos and find love. It is much easier to escape the pain of our broken hearts by running away from love. But those who continue to try are the most noble and deserve more love and encouragement, even – especially –when they make mistakes.

Today we all want more – from our lives and from our relationships. The good news is that we can have more. But first, we must learn how to get it.

Excerpted from the introduction to Beyond Mars and Venus: Relationship Skills for Today’s Complex World by John Gray. (BenBella Books)

EVENT March 25

Women’s Health Show 9:30am – 6pm
Fairmont Hotel Vancouver, 900 W. Georgia.
Bestselling author John Gray is a special guest.
Talk: Beyond Mars & Venus (his new book).
Full details at www.womensvoicehealthshow.com

Is it my partner or is it me?

photo of Gwen Randall-Young

UNIVERSE WITHIN
by Gwen Randall-Young

Projection makes the whole world a replica of our own unknown face.
– Carl Jung

Projection in relationships is the tendency to disown qualities we don’t like in ourselves and see them in others instead. It is a subconscious defence mechanism, meaning we are not even aware we are doing it.

A man who finds himself attracted to other women, but has not fully admitted it to himself, may accuse his partner of being unfaithful. A woman may accuse her partner of having anger issues, unaware that her anger issues are just as significant.

This is a destructive process as we are certain the problems in the relationship are the partner’s fault. If you find yourself blaming your partner for what you are thinking or feeling, or for how you are reacting, you are likely projecting your issues onto them.

If you feel you are projecting, the next time you are triggered by your partner consider the part of you that is like them. If you complain your partner is disorganized, maybe there are some aspects of your life that are not as organized as you would like and you are bothered by that. When we can see how our partner is triggering our own issues, we no longer judge so harshly.

Try to stay with your feelings when you are triggered. Do not react or push back. This will not be easy because you will be feeling pain, but the pain is coming from emotional pain you have denied.

It can feel like craziness if your partner is accusing you of the very things you know are true about him/her. Our first impulse is to defend ourselves and point out that he, too, has the qualities he is attributing to you. Resist this urge.

Instead, quietly disengage. Take some space and don’t get sucked in to the old pattern of fighting about it. Be compassionate and supportive to yourself and recognize it is not about you.

Here is the hardest part. Do not argue, defend, explain or counter attack. You will get entangled in the craziness if you do. Because you have attacked them, your partner does not have to own their stuff. They will defend or counter-attack and the downward cycle starts again.

It gets even more complicated when we add co-dependency into the mix. If one has low self-esteem and feels the partner is responsible for making her feel good, valued, beautiful and smart, she will react with strong emotions when she is not getting that from him.

In co-dependency, there is a tendency to manipulate others to get what you want or to blame them for your feelings of inadequacy or unhappiness. The reason couples get stuck in negative feelings is because both are being triggered and neither one is taking responsibility for making themselves feel strong, good and worthy.

In some ways, it is even more difficult when one person is able to look inside and self-reflect and is not projecting or co-dependent, while the other is. It can be so difficult to navigate through this, as the one projecting cannot see the other in a good light. It is as if they are having a bad dream and they see you as the antagonist.

If you find yourself stuck in this dilemma, it is time to find a good therapist. You can also download an MP3 on Codependency and Projection at gwen.ca

Gwen Randall-Young is an author and psychotherapist in private practice. For articles and information about her books, “Deep Powerful Change” hypnosis CDs and “Creating Effective Relationships” series, visit www.gwen.ca ‘Like’ Gwen on Facebook for daily inspiration.

The High Price of Dishonesty and Deception

For ruthless men and women who strive to win at any cost and make it in a Trumpian universe, the new president provided tactics. Always take control.

by Roxanne Davies

Of all the horror films to come out of Hollywood, the one that creeped me out the most was Rosemary’s Baby. The psychological horror flick was written and directed by French-Polish director Roman Polanski, who, despite his personal foibles, is a talented filmmaker.

Polanski’s 1967 film follows tormented wife Rosemary Woodhouse (brilliantly portrayed by the waif-like Mia Farrow). Unbeknownst to her, she was chosen to bear the Devil’s spawn. Farrow’s wide-eyed innocent face fills the screen as she experiences physical and emotional changes beyond her control. When she rips into a piece of raw chicken, it will turn the stomach of the most avid carnivore. Yet it’s the last scene that truly shocks. Rosemary walks into a dimly lit chamber to see her baby for the first time. Seated around the room are all the people she thought she could trust: her husband, her doctor, her crazy neighbour, every one of the people closest to her complicit in the diabolical scheme. What terrified me was the ease with which the people closest to the victim were able to cover their deception.

Deception: anything that deceives or is meant to deceive; a delusion. For Rosemary, the consequences of deception and lying resulted in the birth of an evil spirit. For our American neighbours, it seems to have resulted in the surprise election of Donald J. Trump. A New York Times columnist likened Trump’s win to a moral and ethical 9/11. A rich white guy with a trophy wife told his supporters the sky is falling and he would save them. A xenophobic, misogynist of dubious ethics and morals with a short attention span now has the nuclear code. A thin-skinned pugnacious Chicken Little was elected to the most powerful position in the free world.

How on earth could Trump win the election? He wasn’t a polished politician; he was an outlier who even alienated fellow Republicans. Because he says it like we think his supporters smugly declared. They were tired of lies from the chattering class, professional pundits, career politicians, financial analysts, industry regulators. Name an industry and its privileged leaders lie.

For Trump, lying is a form of communication and a way of gaining power. We watched and listened with a mixture of horror and fascination as he sniffed his way through an inaugural speech filled with jingoistic rhetoric.

Some say Trump is no fool. He is a communicator who used a kind of wonky neuro-linguistic programming to mesmerize his audience. In 3AM Tweets, he shared his most incoherent ideas and bypassed the bewildered mainstream media. Trump says he fiercely protected his five children against the danger of smoking, drugs and alcohol, yet he has exposed them to the most dangerous and addictive substance on Earth: a lust for power.

For ruthless men and women who strive to win at any cost and make it in a Trumpian universe, the new president provided tactics. Always take control. Act like you know what you’re doing even if you don’t. Brag about your accomplishments, and never your mistakes. Find your opponents Achilles’ heel and never let go. Tell people you will give 100% percent or make it look like you do. And most importantly: even if you lose interest in what you are doing, there will be times when you will have to stretch the truth or downright lie. If women can control their fluttering lashes, they have the uncanny ability to be better liars. Smart agencies and corporations know that. Women are often the face of a company about to deliver some bad news or ‘alternative facts.’ Intelligent and ambitious men and women must wean themselves off the toxic value of lying to gain power and privilege.

If there is any comfort to the majority of people who did not vote for Trump, this 45th president might be the most analyzed and dissected in recent history. There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in. If Trump fails to deliver what he has promised, let him remember that many of his most ardent supporters pack weapons.

Roxanne Davies lives in North Vancouver and is devoted to writing family memoirs and essays on a variety of topics. roxannemilanadavies@gmail.com

The real measure of self-growth

photo of Gwen Randall-Young

UNIVERSE WITHIN
by Gwen Randall-Young

Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes. – C.G. Jung

When we say, “This is who I am,” what does it really mean? We have our own perceptions of who we are, but they can be biased, affected by a critical eye through which we see ourselves or by the blind spots that prevent us from seeing our own unconscious motivations or reactions.

Further, we are not discrete entities unto ourselves. We always exist in relation to something or someone: our jobs, nature, where we live, sunlight, parents, children, partners, friends, political parties, groups. The list is endless.

We also may react differently to different people and situations. We may show anger and polarity with a partner or child, but show only kindness and gentleness to a grandmother or best friend.

Naturally, most of us like to define ourselves by who we are when we are at our best. However, there may be times when we come from a less evolved place – times when we go into polarity, anger, judgment and even shaming.

Generally, we justify our behaviour by the fact that the object of our disdain somehow deserves it. We may see them as “less than” us. We can also do this in relationships when we think we are right and the other is wrong. Still, everyone deserves the right to be heard and to express their opinion.

It seems ubiquitous in our world that these polarities are formed and played out at every level – from the neighbourhood to the international scene – and they seem to arise when we do not see others as our equals.

You may say, “But we are not all equal!” Some are smarter, prettier, have more wealth, more athletic ability, more fame or are even more evolved. This is not what equality is about. Seeing others as our equal means seeing they are just as important as we are, and to understand we are all at different places in our circumstances, growth and awareness. We do not see a kindergarten student as less equal – in this sense – than a university student.

In terms of personal growth or spirituality, some are at a kindergarten level and some at a post-doctoral level. We need not judge this level of growth any more than we would judge someone’s academic level. Yes, some are more advanced, but that does not make them better than one who is just struggling to survive, much less grow.

We may not be aware of the ways we speak to or act towards others that come from a place of superiority. If we find ourselves criticizing, judging or gossiping, we are really making them “less than” us, making it easier to simply discount them.

Evolving takes work. It is more than reading about spirituality or attending workshops. It is being aware of situations or circumstances where our ego is driving the process. A client who was excited about her spiritual path once spoke of how evolved she was becoming, but had a husband who “just didn’t get it!” and rolled her eyes for emphasis.

The measure of our growth and evolvement is not how many workshops we have attended. It is what we do in our most challenging moments and how we treat others day-to-day.

Gwen Randall-Young is an author and psychotherapist in private practice. For articles and information about her books, “Deep Powerful Change” hypnosis CDs and “Creating Effective Relationships” series, visit www.gwen.ca ‘Like’ Gwen on Facebook for daily inspiration.

Giving and receiving artfully

by Joseph Roberts

• Gift giving on your mind? Mulling over your options for the season? There are many unique ways to give. Gifts that heal or bring the recipient into a deeper relationship with themselves, such as seminars, workshops, personal coaching, and healing sessions, are thoroughly appreciated.

Consider a gift that supports our local community rather than sending your dollars across international borders. Give a treasured experience, rather than just more stuff soon sent to a landfill or a storage locker after the next decluttering frenzy. There are a number of services, events or products right here in this edition of Common Ground that will make a memorable impact on the lives of those closest to you.

Also you can give the gift of yourself by volunteering.

What about a gift to our Home and Native Land? The Canadian Government could be receiving billions in lost revenues now escaping into offshore tax havens. Some of Canada’s “elite” do not pay taxes that would support our economy. A conservative estimate indicates that 80 billion dollars of tax are not being collected from the super rich of our country. That would be a great gift to our economy.

Remember much of this wealth creation was only possible because the infrastructure used was originally financed by public purses, so it’s only fair the rich pay their honest share.

Even with the recent P3s (Private-Public Partnerships) the public taxpayer is left holding the debt.

A blog by Keith Reynolds states: “For the main part, in British Columbia we have not even begun to ask questions about these P3 projects. Since 2002 the BC government has crafted P3s for roads, bridges, hospitals and water treatment plants.  Under the deals the private sector puts up all or part of the capital costs in return for a 35 year contract with guaranteed inflation protection to manage a public sector facility.”

These are complicated deals, not just simple sales transactions with a buyer on one side and a seller on the other. Reynolds concludes, “… it is only a matter of time before we begin to see here the same cracks that are appearing in the UK’s P3 projects. Our roads, bridges and hospitals are becoming chips in the international financial casino and BC taxpayers will not win at that table.” They privatized BC Rail and BC Gas. Privateers are now gunning for BC Hydro.

BC’s disgraced premier ends up as Canadian High Commissioner in the United Kingdom. Maybe a plum for selling BC’s public assets cheap to foreign venture capitalists. Upping the game globally is FIPA, Harper’s new Foreign Investment Protection Agreement negotiated secretly offshore in Russia.

Mark Carney, head of the Bank of Canada, a Goldman Sachs alumni, just got the nod to become head of the Bank of England. Jolly good, eh?

Back home Bill Reid’s sculptures Raven and the First Man, and, The Spirit of Haida Gwaii got dumped from our $20 dollar bill and replaced with a war memorial. The quote on the beautiful old bill read “Could we ever know each other in the slightest without the arts?” – Gabrielle Roy. Go read it while you can. “There’s some kind of peculiar irony in the fact that a statement of the indispensability of the arts is inscribed right on our money, when money is the very thing that the arts in Canada are so short of … in BC it seems that the arts and money coincide mainly on paper – on the twenty dollar bill and nowhere else. BC doesn’t just receive the least provincial funding per capita of any Canadian province – it’s dead last, and by a very, very large margin. … $6.50 per capita compared to the $26 per capita national provincial average.” local artists stated.

Well folks, its not even on the money any more. The new plastic $20 features the Vimy Ridge war memorial with poppies sprouting form the zero. No mention of the arts. Not even a line of poetry “Lest we forget”.

So remember how precious you and others are.

Many blessings and wonderful gifts of the season.